Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
