I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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