I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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