Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
