Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Buhtt sex?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
