HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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