About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
