On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
