Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Alive.
So much puke
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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