Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
