dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
