All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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