You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
