last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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