Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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