it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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