I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
