so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
