Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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