I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
