our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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