You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
