she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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