I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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