last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
