just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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