Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
