U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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