Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
