dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just tell him i said nine months
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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