1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
