Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
