good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
