My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
