Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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