She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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