Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize