You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
