my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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