Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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