I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
