I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
