I'm jealous of your bromance
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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