I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
