You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
