it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
birth control should be required to get into college
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize