I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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