I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
