Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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