Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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