my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
