I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
