ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
