I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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