I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
pray to the hookup gods
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
