is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
