I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Two words: nipple clamps
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