I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize