God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've blown a few things in my day
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
