What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
