Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
