My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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