First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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