my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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