U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize