Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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