just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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