A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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