remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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