How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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