she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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