I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
